The news this morning... i Can't. I woke up with the urge to write ...two hours later put my pen down. Walked my dog. Fed her. Made breakfast, made coffee. Made a mental to-do list. Checked my phone's calendar. Messaged some follow-up reminders and answered meeting requests and texts. Then I sat with my plate to watch the news.
Should I watch a home renovation show on Netflix instead? No, let's see what the world is talking about today. First thing was how Hillary and Trump reacted to the terrorist attack in France. The attack in Nice is the main story today. I knew better than to begin my day with the news, but I wanted to be an informed adult. I know there are always violent and negative news reports. And these always hurt my soul. Yet, I don't want to walk around ignorant in "la-la land" either, living in a world of made-up fairy tales. If a disaster is coming, I want to have a chance to either run or stand, to know what's coming. Yet do I really? What good will that do?
But Why begin my day with terrorist attack news? I was caught by surprise by the CBS morning news broadcast. Neither Facebook nor Instagram had fed me news of France earlier this morning. There were no stories of police brutality nor terrorism nor people arguing over politics nor domestic violence.
I didn't linger long on the social media pages, though... I wanted to hold on to the morning haze and delight of my hopeful promise for the new day as long as possible. My eyes spotted a barely used journal on the little table by my bedroom door, and I reached for it instead of my flip flops. My dog, realizing she was not getting her walk as soon as she had thought, grew tired of sitting and waiting by me, and she left the room after I had sat back on my bed and written page after page after page in my journal.
No closer to having resolved my own inner questions, but feeling at peace that I had at least spoken them on paper and allowed them the freedom of being voiced, if only to myself. I knew in time the answers would come, and I knew I could now go freely into the day without the weight they'd placed within me.
Feeling lighter and still hopeful, I walked into the living room and looked at the clock on the wall by the window. Two hours had gone by! How is it I lose track of so much time in writing. In my mind it had only felt like 15 minutes. Better walk Makayla quickly, or risk her doing a smelly deed in the house.
We went on our morning stroll, and I tried to pay attention to the birds and appreciate their songs... But my mind kept going over mental checklists of what I should do today. I wondered how different my walk would be with my lover/friend by my side... He'd surely notice the birds and the beauty, and I'd ignore my lists and join in the moment. Or would he talk instead of his own lists and engage me in a plan to tackle those, too? Either way I'd be happy. I switched my thoughts to my stride, slowed my pace and began to listen for the birds. Allowed Makayla to pee 15 million times and smell a billion blades of grass. Breathed in the morning air that had lost its haze and newness as the sun began to grow hotter in what promised to become another scorching summer Florida day.
I had successfully given myself two and a half hours of peace... And it was still early enough in the morning to get things done. It's Friday, a day when most people are happily anticipating a fun weekend. To me it's the last day where I can get business done that involves calling any kind of office. So I've got business matters on my mind instead of weekend party plans. Then thoughts of chucking it all and driving myself to the beach entered my head. Ahh, that would be such a delight to do... I haven't taken an impromptu trip to the beach in so very long.
And then, the news. Why did I have to torture myself with the bloody forsaken news this early in the morning!
So, here's what I am going to do. I'm going to pray for the family of the children, so many children, killed. I'm going to heal my soul with music while I take care of a few things on my to-do list, because, you know... Bills will come, and I like living in my home. Then, I'm going to create beautiful art that will inspire people long after I'm gone. The world wants and needs beauty to counteract the madness, sadness and despair. And I need it, too.
I'm going to live another day in prayerful peace, not in fear. I'm going to work a little more on my dreams and strive for meaningful, productive work with these hands and this mind God has blessed me with. And when the night comes, a will give thanks for another full day. Tomorrow, the news can suck it. I am playing music all day instead. That is all.
#CynthiaRose
#CynthiaPortalatin
#LifeMatters
Should I watch a home renovation show on Netflix instead? No, let's see what the world is talking about today. First thing was how Hillary and Trump reacted to the terrorist attack in France. The attack in Nice is the main story today. I knew better than to begin my day with the news, but I wanted to be an informed adult. I know there are always violent and negative news reports. And these always hurt my soul. Yet, I don't want to walk around ignorant in "la-la land" either, living in a world of made-up fairy tales. If a disaster is coming, I want to have a chance to either run or stand, to know what's coming. Yet do I really? What good will that do?
But Why begin my day with terrorist attack news? I was caught by surprise by the CBS morning news broadcast. Neither Facebook nor Instagram had fed me news of France earlier this morning. There were no stories of police brutality nor terrorism nor people arguing over politics nor domestic violence.
I didn't linger long on the social media pages, though... I wanted to hold on to the morning haze and delight of my hopeful promise for the new day as long as possible. My eyes spotted a barely used journal on the little table by my bedroom door, and I reached for it instead of my flip flops. My dog, realizing she was not getting her walk as soon as she had thought, grew tired of sitting and waiting by me, and she left the room after I had sat back on my bed and written page after page after page in my journal.
No closer to having resolved my own inner questions, but feeling at peace that I had at least spoken them on paper and allowed them the freedom of being voiced, if only to myself. I knew in time the answers would come, and I knew I could now go freely into the day without the weight they'd placed within me.
Feeling lighter and still hopeful, I walked into the living room and looked at the clock on the wall by the window. Two hours had gone by! How is it I lose track of so much time in writing. In my mind it had only felt like 15 minutes. Better walk Makayla quickly, or risk her doing a smelly deed in the house.
We went on our morning stroll, and I tried to pay attention to the birds and appreciate their songs... But my mind kept going over mental checklists of what I should do today. I wondered how different my walk would be with my lover/friend by my side... He'd surely notice the birds and the beauty, and I'd ignore my lists and join in the moment. Or would he talk instead of his own lists and engage me in a plan to tackle those, too? Either way I'd be happy. I switched my thoughts to my stride, slowed my pace and began to listen for the birds. Allowed Makayla to pee 15 million times and smell a billion blades of grass. Breathed in the morning air that had lost its haze and newness as the sun began to grow hotter in what promised to become another scorching summer Florida day.
I had successfully given myself two and a half hours of peace... And it was still early enough in the morning to get things done. It's Friday, a day when most people are happily anticipating a fun weekend. To me it's the last day where I can get business done that involves calling any kind of office. So I've got business matters on my mind instead of weekend party plans. Then thoughts of chucking it all and driving myself to the beach entered my head. Ahh, that would be such a delight to do... I haven't taken an impromptu trip to the beach in so very long.
And then, the news. Why did I have to torture myself with the bloody forsaken news this early in the morning!
So, here's what I am going to do. I'm going to pray for the family of the children, so many children, killed. I'm going to heal my soul with music while I take care of a few things on my to-do list, because, you know... Bills will come, and I like living in my home. Then, I'm going to create beautiful art that will inspire people long after I'm gone. The world wants and needs beauty to counteract the madness, sadness and despair. And I need it, too.
I'm going to live another day in prayerful peace, not in fear. I'm going to work a little more on my dreams and strive for meaningful, productive work with these hands and this mind God has blessed me with. And when the night comes, a will give thanks for another full day. Tomorrow, the news can suck it. I am playing music all day instead. That is all.
#CynthiaRose
#CynthiaPortalatin
#LifeMatters